As You Like It, Epilogue

It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue, but it is no more unhandsome than to see the lord the prologue. If it be true that good wine needs no bush, ’tis true that a good play needs no epilogue. Yet to good wine they do use good bushes, and good plays prove the better by the help of good epilogues. What a case am I in then, that am neither a good epilogue nor cannot insinuate with you in the behalf of a good play! I am not furnished like a beggar; therefore to beg will not become me. My way is to conjure you, and I’ll begin with the women. I charge you, O women, for the love you bear to men, to like as much of this play as please you. And I charge you, O men, for the love you bear to women—as I perceive by your simpering, none of you hates them—that between you and the women the play may please. If I were a woman, I would kiss as many of you as had beards that pleased me, complexions that liked me, and breaths that I defied not. And I am sure as many as have good beards, or good faces, or sweet breaths will for my kind offer, when I make curtsy, bid me farewell.

It isn't the custom to see the lady deliver the epilogue, but it's no more improper than seeing the lord deliver the prologue. If it's true that good wine needs no advertising branch hung outside, then it's true that a good play needs no epilogue. Yet good wine does get a good branch hung out for it, and good plays turn out better with the help of good epilogues. So what a fix I'm in, being neither a good epilogue nor able to talk you round on behalf of a good play! I'm not dressed like a beggar, so begging won't suit me. My method is to plead with you, and I'll start with the women. I order you, women, by the love you have for men, to like as much of this play as pleases you. And I order you, men, by the love you have for women—and I can tell from your smirking that not one of you hates them—that between you and the women the play may give pleasure. If I were a woman, I would kiss as many of you as had beards I liked, complexions that appealed to me, and breath that I didn't shrink from. And I'm sure that all of you who have good beards, or good faces, or sweet breath will, in return for my generous offer, say goodbye to me kindly when I curtsy.