Much Ado About Nothing, Act 4, Scene 2

Is our whole dissembly appeared?

Has our whole dissembly turned up?

O! a stool and a cushion for the sexton.

Oh! A stool and a cushion for the sexton.

Which be the malefactors?

Which ones are the criminals?

Marry, that am I and my partner.

Why, that's me and my partner.

Nay, that’s certain: we have the exhibition to examine.

Yes, that's definite: we have the exhibition to carry out the examination.

But which are the offenders that are to be examined? let them come before Master Constable.

But which ones are the offenders who are to be questioned? Let them come before Master Constable.

Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name, friend?

Yes, indeed, let them come before me. What is your name, friend?

Borachio.

Borachio.

Pray write down Borachio. Yours, sirrah?

Please write down Borachio. And yours, you there?

I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.

I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.

Write down Master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve God?

Write down Master gentleman Conrade. Gentlemen, do you serve God?

Yea, sir, we hope.

Yes, sir, we hope so.

Write down that they hope they serve God: and write God first; for God defend but God should go before such villains! Masters, it is proved already that you are little better than false knaves, and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer you for yourselves?

Write down that they hope they serve God — and write God first, because God forbid that God should come after such villains! Gentlemen, it is already proved that you are little better than lying scoundrels, and it will very soon be thought so. How do you answer for yourselves?

Marry, sir, we say we are none.

Why, sir, we say we are no such thing.

A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you; but I will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.

An amazingly clever fellow, I promise you; but I'll deal with him craftily. Come over here, you; a word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought that you are lying scoundrels.

Sir, I say to you we are none.

Sir, I say to you that we are no such thing.

Well, stand aside. Fore God, they are both in a tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?

Well, step aside. Before God, they're both telling the same story. Have you written down that they are no such thing?

Master Constable, you go not the way to examine: you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.

Master Constable, this isn't the right way to conduct an examination: you must call out the watchmen who are their accusers.

Yea, marry, that’s the eftest way. Let the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the Prince’s name, accuse these men.

Yes, indeed, that's the eftest way. Let the watch come forward. Gentlemen, I order you, in the Prince's name, accuse these men.

This man said, sir, that Don John, the Prince’s brother, was a villain.

This man said, sir, that Don John, the Prince's brother, was a villain.

Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury, to call a Prince’s brother villain.

Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is downright perjury, to call a Prince's brother a villain.

Master Constable,—

Master Constable—

Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look, I promise thee.

Please, fellow, be quiet: I don't like your face, I assure you.

What heard you him say else?

What else did you hear him say?

Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.

Why, that he had been given a thousand ducats by Don John for accusing the Lady Hero falsely.

Flat burglary as ever was committed.

As downright a burglary as was ever committed.

Yea, by the mass, that it is.

Yes, by the mass, that it is.

What else, fellow?

What else, fellow?

And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.

And that Count Claudio intended, on the strength of what he said, to shame Hero in front of the whole gathering, and not marry her.

O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this.

Oh, villain! You'll be condemned to everlasting redemption for this.

What else?

What else?

This is all.

That's all.

And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away: Hero was in this manner accused, in this manner refused, and, upon the grief of this, suddenly died. Master Constable, let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato’s: I will go before and show him their examination.

And this, gentlemen, is more than you can deny. Prince John slipped away secretly this morning: Hero was accused in just this way, rejected in just this way, and, out of grief at it, died suddenly. Master Constable, have these men tied up and taken to Leonato's house: I'll go on ahead and show him the record of their examination.

Come, let them be opinioned.

Come on, have them opinioned.

Let them be in the hands—

Let them be put in the hands—

Off, coxcomb!

Get off, idiot!

God’s my life! where’s the sexton? let him write down the Prince’s officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. Thou naughty varlet!

Upon my life! Where's the sexton? Let him write down that the Prince's officer is an idiot. Come on, tie them up. You wicked scoundrel!

Away! you are an ass; you are an ass.

Get away! You are an ass; you are an ass.

Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! but, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow; and, which is more, an officer; and, which is more, a householder; and, which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any in Messina; and one that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses; and one that hath two gowns, and everything handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I had been writ down an ass!

Have you no suspect for my office? Have you no suspect for my years? Oh, if only he were here to write me down an ass! But, gentlemen, remember that I am an ass; even though it isn't written down, don't forget that I am an ass. No, you villain, you are full of piety, as will be proved against you by reliable witnesses. I am a wise fellow; and, what's more, an officer; and, what's more, a householder; and, what's more, as fine a piece of flesh as any in Messina; and a man who knows the law, mark you; and rich enough, mark you; and a man who has had losses; and one who owns two gowns and has everything about him looking smart. Take him away. Oh, if only I had been written down an ass!