King Lear, Act 1, Scene 5

Go you before to Gloucester with these letters: acquaint my daughter no further with anything you know than comes from her demand out of the letter. If your diligence be not speedy, I shall be there afore you.

Go on ahead of me to Gloucester with these letters. Tell my daughter nothing more of what you know than what she asks about because of the letter. If you are not quick about it, I will get there before you.

I will not sleep, my lord, till I have delivered your letter.

I will not sleep, my lord, until I have delivered your letter.

If a man’s brains were in’s heels, were’t not in danger of kibes?

If a man's brains were in his heels, wouldn't they be in danger of getting chilblains?

Ay, boy.

Yes, boy.

Then I prythee be merry; thy wit shall not go slipshod.

Then please cheer up; your brains will never have to go about in slippers.

Ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha, ha!

Shalt see thy other daughter will use thee kindly, for though she’s as like this as a crab’s like an apple, yet I can tell what I can tell.

You will see that your other daughter treats you the way her nature demands, for though she is as like this one as a crab apple is like an apple, still I can tell what I can tell.

What canst tell, boy?

What can you tell, boy?

She’ll taste as like this as a crab does to a crab. Thou canst tell why one’s nose stands i’the middle on’s face?

She will taste as much like this one as one crab apple tastes like another. Can you tell why a person's nose stands in the middle of the face?

No.

No.

Why, to keep one’s eyes of either side’s nose, that what a man cannot smell out, he may spy into.

Why, to keep one's eyes on either side of the nose, so that what a man cannot smell out he may see into.

I did her wrong.

I did her wrong.

Canst tell how an oyster makes his shell?

Can you tell how an oyster makes its shell?

No.

No.

Nor I neither; but I can tell why a snail has a house.

Nor can I; but I can tell why a snail has a house.

Why?

Why?

Why, to put’s head in; not to give it away to his daughters, and leave his horns without a case.

Why, to put its head in; not to give it away to its daughters and leave its horns with no case to keep them in.

I will forget my nature. So kind a father! Be my horses ready?

I will forget what I am by nature. Such a kind father! Are my horses ready?

Thy asses are gone about ’em. The reason why the seven stars are no more than seven is a pretty reason.

Your donkeys have gone to see to them. The reason why the seven stars are no more than seven is a neat reason.

Because they are not eight?

Because they are not eight?

Yes indeed: thou wouldst make a good fool.

Yes, exactly: you would make a good fool.

To tak’t again perforce!—Monster ingratitude!

To take it back by force! — Ingratitude, you monster!

If thou wert my fool, nuncle, I’d have thee beaten for being old before thy time.

If you were my fool, uncle, I would have you whipped for being old before your time.

How’s that?

How do you mean?

Thou shouldst not have been old till thou hadst been wise.

You should not have grown old until you had grown wise.

O, let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven! Keep me in temper; I would not be mad!

Oh, do not let me go mad, not mad, sweet heaven! Keep me in my right mind; I do not want to be mad!

How now? are the horses ready?

Well? Are the horses ready?

Ready, my lord.

Ready, my lord.

Come, boy.

Come along, boy.

She that’s a maid now, and laughs at my departure, Shall not be a maid long, unless things be cut shorter.

The girl who is a virgin now, and who laughs at my going away, will not stay a virgin long, unless things get cut shorter.