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Storgy

Saved rating ยท 2026-10-18

๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐‘ช๐’‚๐’๐’๐’” ๐‘ด๐’† ๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“by VidaVivido

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The poem
โ™ก๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ฐ - ๐‘ซ๐’†๐’†๐’‘๐’†๐’”๐’• ๐‘น๐’๐’๐’•๐’” ๐‘บ๐’๐’‡๐’• ๐’„๐’‚๐’๐’๐’” ๐’‡๐’“๐’๐’Ž ๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐’„๐’‚๐’Ž๐’†, ๐‘จ ๐’”๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ๐’๐’† ๐’๐’†๐’‚๐’‡ ๐’‡๐’†๐’๐’โ€”๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’•๐’“๐’†๐’† ๐’๐’๐’”๐’• ๐’Š๐’•๐’” ๐’‰๐’๐’๐’…. ๐‘พ๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’‚ ๐’ƒ๐’Š๐’•๐’•๐’†๐’“๐’”๐’˜๐’†๐’†๐’• ๐’„๐’๐’๐’๐’“ ๐’Š๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‡๐’“๐’‚๐’Ž๐’†: ๐‘น๐’†๐’… ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’๐’“๐’‚๐’๐’ˆ๐’†, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’† ๐’”๐’‰๐’‚๐’…๐’†๐’” ๐’๐’‡ ๐’ˆ๐’๐’๐’…. ๐‘จ ๐’“๐’†๐’… ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’˜๐’Š๐’“๐’๐’†๐’… ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’•๐’˜๐’†๐’†๐’ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’‡๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’“๐’”, ๐’‡๐’–๐’๐’ ๐’๐’‡ ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’…๐’”, ๐‘ฏ๐’Š๐’” ๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’„๐’Š๐’‚๐’ ๐’๐’†๐’•๐’•๐’†๐’“ ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’…๐’† ๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’–๐’๐’Š๐’’๐’–๐’† ๐’๐’๐’—๐’† ๐’‚๐’“๐’Š๐’”๐’†. ๐’€๐’†๐’•, ๐’‚ ๐’˜๐’“๐’Š๐’•๐’•๐’†๐’ ๐’๐’Š๐’„๐’Œ๐’๐’‚๐’Ž๐’† ๐‘ฐ ๐’‰๐’‚๐’… ๐’๐’๐’๐’š ๐’‰๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’…, ๐‘พ๐’‰๐’†๐’๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’–๐’๐’… ๐’๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’“ ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’๐’๐’๐’Œ ๐’Š๐’๐’•๐’ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’†๐’š๐’†๐’”. ๐‘จ๐’–๐’•๐’–๐’Ž๐’ ๐’˜๐’‰๐’Š๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’“๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’ ๐’‰๐’Š๐’Ž; ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’…๐’” ๐’ˆ๐’“๐’†๐’˜ ๐’„๐’๐’๐’…, ๐‘จ๐’” ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’”๐’‰๐’‚๐’…๐’๐’˜ ๐’•๐’๐’๐’Œ ๐’๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐’…๐’†๐’‘๐’‚๐’“๐’•๐’†๐’…. ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’„๐’‚๐’๐’๐’” ๐’Ž๐’† ๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“, ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‚ ๐’‡๐’†๐’‚๐’“ ๐’–๐’๐’•๐’๐’๐’…, ๐‘พ๐’‰๐’†๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’„๐’‰๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’„๐’“๐’†๐’†๐’‘๐’” ๐’Š๐’๐’•๐’ ๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’ˆ๐’†๐’๐’•๐’๐’† ๐’‰๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’•. ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’‡๐’๐’“๐’ˆ๐’๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’•๐’“๐’†๐’† ๐’ˆ๐’“๐’๐’˜๐’” ๐’๐’†๐’‚๐’—๐’†๐’” ๐’•๐’ ๐’๐’†๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Ž ๐’ˆ๐’; ๐‘ด๐’š ๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’…'๐’” ๐’˜๐’‚๐’“๐’Ž๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‡๐’‚๐’๐’๐’” ๐’‚๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’”๐’†๐’‚๐’”๐’๐’ ๐’˜๐’†๐’‚๐’—๐’†๐’”. ๐‘ฉ๐’†๐’„๐’‚๐’–๐’”๐’† ๐’‚๐’” ๐’‚ ๐’˜๐’๐’Ž๐’‚๐’, ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’Š๐’” ๐’‰๐’๐’˜ ๐‘ฐ ๐’ˆ๐’“๐’๐’˜- ๐‘ฉ๐’–๐’• ๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’๐’๐’—๐’† ๐’Š๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’…๐’†๐’†๐’‘๐’†๐’”๐’• ๐’“๐’๐’๐’•, ๐’๐’๐’• ๐’‡๐’“๐’‚๐’ˆ๐’Š๐’๐’† ๐’๐’†๐’‚๐’—๐’†๐’”. โ™ก๐€๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ซ'๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ญ๐žโ™ก "๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ฐ โ€” ๐‘ซ๐’†๐’†๐’‘๐’†๐’”๐’• ๐‘น๐’๐’๐’•๐’”" ๐’Š๐’” ๐’‚๐’ ๐’†๐’๐’†๐’ˆ๐’š ๐’˜๐’“๐’Š๐’•๐’•๐’†๐’ ๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐‘บ๐’‰๐’๐’“๐’•๐’š๐’”๐Ÿ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ”. ๐‘ฐ๐’• ๐’–๐’”๐’†๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’„๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’ˆ๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’”๐’†๐’‚๐’”๐’๐’๐’”, ๐’‡๐’‚๐’๐’๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’๐’†๐’‚๐’—๐’†๐’”, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’“๐’๐’๐’•๐’” ๐’๐’‡ ๐’‚ ๐’•๐’“๐’†๐’† ๐’‚๐’” ๐’Ž๐’†๐’•๐’‚๐’‘๐’‰๐’๐’“๐’” ๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐’๐’๐’—๐’†, ๐’„๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’ˆ๐’†, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’š๐’” ๐’‚ ๐’˜๐’๐’Ž๐’‚๐’ ๐’ˆ๐’“๐’๐’˜๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰ ๐’…๐’Š๐’‡๐’‡๐’†๐’“๐’†๐’๐’• ๐’”๐’†๐’‚๐’”๐’๐’๐’” ๐’๐’‡ ๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’”๐’†๐’๐’‡. โ™ก๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ฐ๐‘ฐ - ๐‘ท๐’Š๐’๐’Œ๐’š ๐‘ท๐’“๐’๐’Ž๐’Š๐’”๐’† ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’˜๐’‰๐’Š๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’“๐’†๐’… ๐’Š๐’ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’†๐’‚๐’“, "๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“, ๐’š๐’๐’–'๐’“๐’† ๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’†," ๐‘ฏ๐’Š๐’” ๐’†๐’š๐’†๐’” ๐’”๐’‘๐’‚๐’“๐’Œ๐’๐’† ๐’‡๐’–๐’๐’ ๐’๐’‡ ๐’‚ ๐’ƒ๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐’”๐’–๐’Ž๐’Ž๐’†๐’“ ๐’”๐’•๐’‚๐’“, ๐‘พ๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‘๐’Š๐’๐’Œ๐’š ๐’‡๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’“๐’” ๐’๐’๐’„๐’Œ๐’†๐’…, ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’‹๐’๐’–๐’“๐’๐’†๐’š๐’” ๐’Š๐’๐’•๐’†๐’“๐’•๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’†. ๐‘ฐ ๐’‡๐’†๐’๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‰๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’•๐’‡๐’†๐’๐’• ๐’„๐’‚๐’“๐’† ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰๐’Š๐’ ๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š ๐’๐’Š๐’๐’†, ๐‘ต๐’ ๐’‡๐’†๐’‚๐’“ ๐’๐’†๐’‡๐’• ๐’Š๐’ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’‰๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’•, ๐’๐’ ๐’…๐’Š๐’”๐’•๐’‚๐’๐’„๐’† ๐’๐’†๐’‡๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’“, ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’˜๐’‰๐’Š๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’“๐’†๐’… ๐’Š๐’ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’†๐’‚๐’“, "๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“, ๐’š๐’๐’–'๐’“๐’† ๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’†." ๐‘ณ๐’Š๐’Œ๐’† ๐’‡๐’†๐’‚๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’” ๐’๐’ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’”๐’๐’–๐’, ๐’•๐’๐’–๐’„๐’‰๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’”๐’๐’‡๐’•๐’†๐’“ ๐’๐’Š๐’๐’†, ๐‘ฐ ๐’๐’†๐’• ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’‰๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’• ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’• ๐’”๐’‚๐’‡๐’† ๐’Š๐’๐’”๐’Š๐’…๐’† ๐’‰๐’Š๐’”, ๐’๐’๐’• ๐’‡๐’‚๐’“, ๐‘พ๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‘๐’Š๐’๐’Œ๐’š ๐’‡๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’“๐’” ๐’๐’๐’„๐’Œ๐’†๐’…, ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’‹๐’๐’–๐’“๐’๐’†๐’š๐’” ๐’Š๐’๐’•๐’†๐’“๐’•๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’†. ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’‘๐’“๐’๐’Ž๐’Š๐’”๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‚๐’–๐’•๐’–๐’Ž๐’, ๐’“๐’‚๐’Š๐’ ๐’๐’“ ๐’”๐’‰๐’Š๐’๐’†, ๐‘พ๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’๐’๐’—๐’† ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’‘๐’‚๐’•๐’Š๐’†๐’๐’„๐’†, ๐’‘๐’‚๐’Š๐’๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’„๐’‚๐’“, ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’˜๐’‰๐’Š๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’“๐’†๐’… ๐’Š๐’ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’†๐’‚๐’“, "๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“, ๐’š๐’๐’–'๐’“๐’† ๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’†." ๐‘ป๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’๐’Š๐’‡๐’†'๐’” ๐’‰๐’†๐’‚๐’—๐’š ๐’„๐’–๐’“๐’•๐’‚๐’Š๐’๐’” ๐’•๐’๐’–๐’„๐’‰ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’•๐’‰'๐’” ๐’„๐’๐’๐’‡๐’Š๐’๐’†, ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐‘ฐ ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’„๐’๐’Ž๐’† ๐’๐’๐’† ๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’˜๐’† ๐’‚๐’“๐’†, ๐‘พ๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‘๐’Š๐’๐’Œ๐’š ๐’‡๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’“๐’” ๐’๐’๐’„๐’Œ๐’†๐’…, ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’‹๐’๐’–๐’“๐’๐’†๐’š๐’” ๐’Š๐’๐’•๐’†๐’“๐’•๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’†. ๐‘ฏ๐’Š๐’” ๐’˜๐’‚๐’“๐’Ž ๐’๐’Š๐’‘๐’” ๐’ˆ๐’‚๐’—๐’† ๐’Ž๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’–๐’๐’Š๐’’๐’–๐’† ๐’”๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’, ๐‘ป๐’ ๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’Œ ๐’•๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’“๐’๐’‚๐’… ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‰๐’Š๐’Ž ๐’‚๐’” ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’‘๐’†๐’“, ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’˜๐’‰๐’Š๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’“๐’†๐’… ๐’Š๐’ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’†๐’‚๐’“, "๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“, ๐’š๐’๐’–'๐’“๐’† ๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’†," ๐‘พ๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‘๐’Š๐’๐’Œ๐’š ๐’‡๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’“๐’” ๐’๐’๐’„๐’Œ๐’†๐’…, ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’‹๐’๐’–๐’“๐’๐’†๐’š๐’” ๐’Š๐’๐’•๐’†๐’“๐’•๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’†. โ™ก๐€๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ซ'๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ญ๐žโ™ก "๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ฐ๐‘ฐ โ€” ๐‘ท๐’Š๐’๐’Œ๐’š ๐‘ท๐’“๐’๐’Ž๐’Š๐’”๐’†" ๐’Š๐’” ๐’‚ ๐‘ฝ๐’Š๐’๐’๐’‚๐’๐’†๐’๐’๐’† ๐’˜๐’“๐’Š๐’•๐’•๐’†๐’ ๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐‘บ๐’‰๐’๐’“๐’•๐’š๐’”๐Ÿ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ”, ๐’‚๐’ƒ๐’๐’–๐’• ๐’‰๐’๐’˜ ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’•๐’‰๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’”๐’ ๐’”๐’Š๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’„๐’‚๐’“๐’“๐’š ๐’‚ ๐’๐’๐’—๐’† ๐’”๐’•๐’“๐’๐’๐’ˆ ๐’†๐’๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰ ๐’•๐’ ๐’๐’‚๐’”๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰ ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š ๐’”๐’†๐’‚๐’”๐’๐’ ๐’๐’‡ ๐’๐’Š๐’‡๐’†. โ™ก๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ฐ๐‘ฐ๐‘ฐ - ๐‘ซ๐’“๐’†๐’‚๐’… ๐‘ท๐’‚๐’”๐’• ๐’‘๐’‚๐’Š๐’ ๐’‘๐’๐’Œ๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’…๐’๐’˜ ๐’‚๐’” ๐’‚ ๐’„๐’“๐’๐’˜ ๐‘ช๐’‚๐’”๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’Š๐’•๐’” ๐’ƒ๐’๐’‚๐’„๐’Œ ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’…๐’‚๐’“๐’Œ ๐’ˆ๐’๐’Š๐’๐’• ๐‘บ๐’‰๐’Š๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’…, ๐’…๐’“๐’†๐’‚๐’… ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’”๐’๐’–๐’ ๐’€๐’†๐’• ๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’ ๐‘ฐ ๐’•๐’“๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’๐’† ๐’‰๐’‚๐’“๐’… ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’‰๐’๐’๐’… ๐’Ž๐’† ๐’•๐’‚๐’๐’. ๐‘บ๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’•๐’Š๐’Ž๐’†๐’” ๐’Š๐’• ๐’„๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’” ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‡๐’‚๐’„๐’†๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐‘ฐ ๐’Œ๐’๐’๐’˜. ๐‘ถ๐’ ๐’”๐’–๐’“๐’‡๐’‚๐’„๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’š'๐’“๐’† ๐’๐’Š๐’„๐’†, ๐’…๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’Š๐’•๐’† ๐’Ž๐’–๐’“๐’Œ๐’š ๐’‰๐’Š๐’๐’•. ๐‘พ๐’Š๐’•๐’„๐’‰๐’†๐’” ๐’†๐’๐’„๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ, ๐’„๐’‰๐’‚๐’Š๐’๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’Ž๐’† ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’๐’๐’˜ ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’†๐’š ๐’•๐’˜๐’Š๐’”๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Š๐’“ ๐’“๐’–๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’… ๐’ƒ๐’๐’‚๐’…๐’† ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‚ ๐’”๐’‰๐’‚๐’“๐’‘ ๐’”๐’’๐’–๐’Š๐’๐’• ๐’€๐’๐’– ๐’„๐’‚๐’๐’ "๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“", ๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’† ๐‘ฐ ๐’๐’๐’”๐’† ๐’„๐’๐’๐’•๐’“๐’๐’ ๐‘ด๐’Š๐’”๐’•๐’‚๐’Œ๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’„๐’๐’๐’… ๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’๐’๐’“๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’„๐’‚๐’๐’. โ™ก๐€๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ซ'๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ญ๐žโ™ก โ™ก๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ฐ๐‘ฐ๐‘ฐ - ๐‘ซ๐’“๐’†๐’‚๐’… ๐‘จ ๐’๐’†๐’˜ ๐’‘๐’๐’†๐’•๐’Š๐’„ ๐’‡๐’๐’“๐’Ž ๐’„๐’“๐’†๐’‚๐’•๐’†๐’… ๐’ƒ๐’š ๐’Ž๐’†, ๐’‡๐’๐’๐’๐’๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’“๐’‰๐’š๐’Ž๐’† ๐’‘๐’‚๐’•๐’•๐’†๐’“๐’ ๐‘จ๐‘ฉ๐‘จ๐‘ช / ๐‘จ๐‘ฉ๐‘จ๐‘ฉ๐‘จ๐‘ช. ๐‘พ๐’“๐’Š๐’•๐’•๐’†๐’ ๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐‘บ๐’‰๐’๐’“๐’•๐’š๐’”๐Ÿ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ”, ๐’Š๐’• ๐’†๐’™๐’‘๐’๐’๐’“๐’†๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’“๐’†๐’•๐’–๐’“๐’ ๐’๐’‡ ๐’‘๐’‚๐’”๐’• ๐’‘๐’‚๐’Š๐’, ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‡๐’†๐’‚๐’“ ๐’Š๐’• ๐’๐’†๐’‚๐’—๐’†๐’” ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’‰๐’Š๐’๐’…, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’‰๐’๐’˜ ๐’„๐’๐’๐’…๐’๐’†๐’”๐’” ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’•๐’Š๐’Ž๐’†๐’” ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’Ž๐’Š๐’”๐’•๐’‚๐’Œ๐’†๐’ ๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐’…๐’Š๐’”๐’•๐’‚๐’๐’„๐’†. โ™ก๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ฐ๐‘ฝ - ๐‘บ๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’” ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’†๐’š ๐’‚๐’”๐’Œ๐’†๐’… ๐’Ž๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’…๐’†๐’‡๐’Š๐’๐’Š๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’๐’‡ ๐’๐’๐’—๐’†, ๐‘ฐ ๐’‰๐’†๐’†๐’…๐’๐’†๐’”๐’”๐’๐’š ๐’”๐’•๐’‚๐’“๐’•๐’†๐’… ๐’…๐’†๐’”๐’„๐’“๐’Š๐’ƒ๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’š๐’๐’–. ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’š ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’๐’‚๐’Ž๐’† ๐’”๐’๐’–๐’๐’…๐’” ๐’Š๐’ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’‰๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’• ๐’‚๐’ƒ๐’๐’—๐’†. ๐‘ต๐’ ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’” ๐’ƒ๐’“๐’†๐’‚๐’Œ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’’๐’–๐’Š๐’†๐’• ๐’”๐’Œ๐’Š๐’†๐’” ๐’๐’‡ ๐’ƒ๐’๐’–๐’†. โ€‹๐‘ฐ๐’‡ ๐’‚๐’๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’๐’… ๐’„๐’“๐’–๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’๐’† ๐’Š๐’๐’•๐’ ๐’…๐’–๐’”๐’•, ๐‘จ๐’๐’… ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’‚๐’“๐’† ๐’‡๐’๐’“๐’„๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’ ๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’…๐’†๐’“ ๐’‡๐’‚๐’“ ๐’‚๐’˜๐’‚๐’š, ๐‘ฐ'๐’… ๐’„๐’‰๐’๐’๐’”๐’† ๐’•๐’ ๐’”๐’•๐’‚๐’š ๐’Š๐’ ๐’–๐’๐’˜๐’‚๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’“๐’–๐’”๐’•, ๐‘จ๐’๐’… ๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’Œ ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’”๐’Š๐’…๐’† ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’†๐’š๐’†๐’” ๐’๐’๐’”๐’• ๐’“๐’‚๐’š. โ€‹๐‘ป๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰ ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š ๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’‚๐’“๐’๐’–๐’๐’… ๐’–๐’” ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‘๐’“๐’Š๐’›๐’†, ๐‘จ๐’๐’… ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’‚๐’“๐’† ๐’๐’†๐’‡๐’• ๐’‰๐’๐’๐’…๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’„๐’‚๐’“๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’๐’๐’”๐’•, ๐‘ฐ'๐’๐’ ๐’‰๐’๐’๐’… ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’•๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’Ž๐’†๐’†๐’• ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’’๐’–๐’Š๐’†๐’• ๐’†๐’š๐’†๐’”, ๐‘จ๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’•๐’‚๐’š ๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’† ๐’“๐’†๐’ˆ๐’‚๐’“๐’…๐’๐’†๐’”๐’” ๐’๐’‡ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’„๐’๐’”๐’•. โ€‹๐’€๐’๐’– ๐’„๐’‚๐’๐’๐’†๐’… ๐’–๐’” ๐’”๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’”โ€”๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’…๐’‚๐’“๐’Œ, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐‘ฐ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’‰๐’Š๐’•๐’†; ๐‘ถ๐’–๐’“ ๐’๐’๐’—๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’…๐’‚๐’๐’„๐’† ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’Œ๐’† ๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐’ƒ๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•. โ™ก๐€๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ซ'๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ญ๐žโ™ก โ™ก๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ฐ๐‘ฝ - ๐‘บ๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’” ๐’Š๐’” ๐’‚ ๐‘บ๐’‰๐’‚๐’Œ๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’†๐’‚๐’ ๐’”๐’๐’๐’๐’†๐’• ๐’˜๐’“๐’Š๐’•๐’•๐’†๐’ ๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐‘บ๐’‰๐’๐’“๐’•๐’š๐’”๐Ÿ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ”. ๐‘ฐ๐’• ๐’†๐’™๐’‘๐’๐’๐’“๐’†๐’” ๐’๐’๐’—๐’† ๐’‚๐’” ๐’‚ ๐’„๐’‰๐’๐’Š๐’„๐’†โ€”๐’•๐’ ๐’“๐’†๐’Ž๐’‚๐’Š๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’”๐’Š๐’…๐’† ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰ ๐’…๐’Š๐’”๐’•๐’‚๐’๐’„๐’†, ๐’๐’๐’”๐’”, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š ๐’–๐’๐’„๐’†๐’“๐’•๐’‚๐’Š๐’ ๐’”๐’†๐’‚๐’”๐’๐’. ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’† ๐’•๐’˜๐’ ๐’”๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’”, ๐’…๐’‚๐’“๐’Œ ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’˜๐’‰๐’Š๐’•๐’†, ๐’“๐’†๐’‘๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’†๐’๐’• ๐’•๐’˜๐’ ๐’‘๐’†๐’๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’˜๐’‰๐’ ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’š ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’…๐’Š๐’‡๐’‡๐’†๐’“๐’†๐’๐’•, ๐’š๐’†๐’• ๐’„๐’‰๐’๐’๐’”๐’† ๐’•๐’ ๐’…๐’‚๐’๐’„๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰ ๐’๐’Š๐’‡๐’† ๐’•๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’“. โ™ก๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ฝ - ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐‘ท๐’“๐’๐’Ž ๐‘ต๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• โ€‹๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’‘๐’“๐’๐’Ž ๐’๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐’ƒ๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐’‚ ๐’”๐’๐’‡๐’• ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’’๐’–๐’Š๐’†๐’• ๐’๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•, ๐‘ต๐’ ๐’ˆ๐’๐’˜๐’ ๐’๐’‡ ๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’† ๐’„๐’๐’–๐’๐’… ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’Œ๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’ƒ๐’‚๐’๐’๐’“๐’๐’๐’Ž ๐’ƒ๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•, ๐‘ต๐’๐’“ ๐’”๐’†๐’• ๐’Ž๐’† ๐’‰๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰ ๐’Š๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’‚๐’–๐’•๐’š ๐’‘๐’‚๐’”๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’•; ๐’€๐’†๐’• ๐’Š๐’ ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’”๐’–๐’Š๐’•, ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’…๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’”๐’• ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’”๐’•, ๐’€๐’๐’– ๐’•๐’–๐’“๐’๐’†๐’… ๐’‡๐’“๐’๐’Ž ๐’‘๐’“๐’†๐’•๐’•๐’Š๐’†๐’“ ๐’†๐’š๐’†๐’” ๐’Š๐’๐’•๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•. โ€‹๐‘พ๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’Œ๐’†๐’… ๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’† ๐’ˆ๐’‚๐’“๐’…๐’†๐’ ๐’”๐’‰๐’‚๐’…๐’๐’˜๐’” ๐’”๐’๐’‡๐’• ๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’๐’Š๐’•๐’†, ๐‘ฉ๐’†๐’๐’†๐’‚๐’•๐’‰ ๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“'๐’” ๐’Ž๐’๐’๐’ ๐’๐’‡ ๐’”๐’Š๐’๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’˜๐’‰๐’Š๐’•๐’†; ๐’€๐’๐’– ๐’‰๐’†๐’๐’… ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’† ๐’๐’†๐’“๐’—๐’๐’–๐’” ๐’‡๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’“๐’” ๐’‘๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’”๐’†๐’…, ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’‘๐’“๐’๐’Ž ๐’๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•. โ€‹๐’€๐’๐’– ๐’˜๐’‰๐’Š๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’“๐’†๐’… ๐’๐’๐’˜ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’๐’‚๐’Ž๐’† ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’”๐’˜๐’†๐’†๐’• ๐’…๐’†๐’๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•, ๐’€๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’„๐’‰๐’‚๐’“๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’”๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’† ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’…๐’† ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’“๐’š ๐’”๐’๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•. ๐‘ฐ ๐’˜๐’‚๐’” ๐’”๐’ ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’๐’ˆ, ๐’š๐’†๐’• ๐’๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ๐’๐’š ๐’ƒ๐’๐’†๐’”๐’”๐’†๐’…: ๐‘ป๐’ ๐’˜๐’Š๐’ ๐’‚ ๐’๐’Š๐’‡๐’†๐’•๐’Š๐’Ž๐’† ๐’…๐’†๐’‚๐’, ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’”๐’˜๐’†๐’†๐’• ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’’๐’–๐’†๐’”๐’•, ๐‘จ ๐’๐’๐’—๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’‰๐’๐’๐’…๐’” ๐’Ž๐’† ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’Š๐’ ๐’Š๐’•๐’” ๐’”๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•, ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’‘๐’“๐’๐’Ž ๐’๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•. โ™ก๐€๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ซ'๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ญ๐žโ™ก ๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ฝ - ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐‘ท๐’“๐’๐’Ž ๐‘ต๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐’Š๐’” ๐’‚ ๐‘น๐’๐’๐’…๐’†๐’‚๐’– ๐’˜๐’“๐’Š๐’•๐’•๐’†๐’ ๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐‘บ๐’‰๐’๐’“๐’•๐’š๐’”๐Ÿ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ”. ๐‘ฐ๐’• ๐’„๐’‚๐’‘๐’•๐’–๐’“๐’†๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’”๐’˜๐’†๐’†๐’•๐’๐’†๐’”๐’” ๐’๐’‡ ๐’‚ ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’๐’ˆ ๐’๐’๐’—๐’† ๐’“๐’†๐’Ž๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰ ๐’๐’๐’† ๐’–๐’๐’‡๐’๐’“๐’ˆ๐’†๐’•๐’•๐’‚๐’ƒ๐’๐’† ๐’๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•. โ™ก๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ฝ๐‘ฐ - ๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ญ๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’† ๐’”๐’–๐’…๐’…๐’†๐’ ๐’”๐’‰๐’‚๐’…๐’๐’˜ ๐’‡๐’†๐’๐’ ๐’‚๐’„๐’“๐’๐’”๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’…๐’๐’๐’“, ๐‘ด๐’š ๐’‘๐’‚๐’๐’Š๐’„๐’Œ๐’†๐’… ๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’‡๐’๐’†๐’˜ ๐’–๐’‘๐’˜๐’‚๐’“๐’… ๐’•๐’ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’„๐’‰๐’†๐’”๐’•. ๐‘ฐ ๐’‘๐’Š๐’๐’† ๐‘ฐ ๐’๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’”๐’‘๐’๐’Œ๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’…๐’” ๐’†๐’™๐’‘๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’”๐’†๐’…, ๐‘จ๐’๐’… ๐’‘๐’“๐’‚๐’š ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’…๐’Š๐’… ๐’๐’๐’• ๐’‰๐’†๐’‚๐’“ ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Ž ๐’๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‡๐’๐’๐’๐’“. ๐‘พ๐’† ๐’‚๐’“๐’† ๐’๐’๐’• ๐’‘๐’†๐’“๐’‡๐’†๐’„๐’•; ๐’ˆ๐’‚๐’‘๐’” ๐’ˆ๐’“๐’๐’˜ ๐’Ž๐’๐’“๐’† ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’Ž๐’๐’“๐’†, ๐‘ฐ ๐’„๐’“๐’‚๐’—๐’† ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’Œ๐’†๐’‘๐’• ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’„๐’“๐’–๐’†๐’๐’†๐’”๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•๐’” ๐’‚๐’• ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’•. ๐‘พ๐’‰๐’š ๐’ƒ๐’‚๐’“๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’”๐’‰๐’‚๐’“๐’‘๐’†๐’๐’†๐’… ๐’†๐’…๐’ˆ๐’†๐’” ๐’˜๐’† ๐’‘๐’๐’”๐’”๐’†๐’”๐’”๐’†๐’…, ๐‘ป๐’ ๐’”๐’๐’Š๐’„๐’† ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’๐’‘๐’†๐’ ๐’˜๐’๐’–๐’๐’…๐’” ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’๐’†๐’‚๐’—๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Ž ๐’”๐’๐’“๐’†? ๐‘ฉ๐’–๐’• ๐’‘๐’‚๐’Š๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’„๐’‰๐’‚๐’Š๐’๐’†๐’… ๐’Ž๐’† ๐’‚๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’”๐’‰๐’‚๐’…๐’๐’˜๐’” ๐’”๐’‰๐’Š๐’‡๐’•, ๐‘ซ๐’Š๐’”๐’”๐’๐’๐’—๐’†๐’… ๐’Š๐’๐’•๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’”๐’๐’‡๐’•๐’๐’†๐’”๐’” ๐’๐’‡ ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’…, ๐‘พ๐’‰๐’†๐’ ๐’Ž๐’๐’“๐’๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’ƒ๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐’‚ ๐’˜๐’‚๐’“๐’Ž ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’’๐’–๐’Š๐’†๐’• ๐’ˆ๐’“๐’‚๐’„๐’†. ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’† ๐’ƒ๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐’”๐’–๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’„๐’‚๐’Ž๐’† ๐’‚ ๐’ˆ๐’Š๐’‡๐’•, ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’”๐’†๐’•๐’•๐’๐’†๐’… ๐’”๐’๐’‡๐’•๐’๐’š ๐’๐’ ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’”๐’๐’†๐’†๐’‘๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’‰๐’†๐’‚๐’…, ๐‘จ๐’” ๐‘ฐ ๐’„๐’“๐’†๐’‘๐’• ๐’„๐’๐’๐’”๐’† ๐’Š๐’๐’•๐’ ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’”๐’•๐’“๐’๐’๐’ˆ ๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’“๐’‚๐’„๐’†. โ™ก๐€๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ซ'๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ญ๐žโ™ก ๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ฝ๐‘ฐ - ๐‘บ๐’†๐’‘๐’•๐’†๐’Ž๐’ƒ๐’†๐’“ ๐‘ญ๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐’Š๐’” ๐’‚ ๐‘ท๐’†๐’•๐’“๐’‚๐’“๐’„๐’‰๐’‚๐’ ๐’”๐’๐’๐’๐’†๐’• ๐’˜๐’“๐’Š๐’•๐’•๐’†๐’ ๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐‘บ๐’‰๐’๐’“๐’•๐’š๐’”๐Ÿ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ”. ๐‘ฐ๐’• ๐’†๐’™๐’‘๐’๐’๐’“๐’†๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‘๐’‚๐’Š๐’๐’‡๐’–๐’ ๐’”๐’Š๐’…๐’† ๐’๐’‡ ๐’๐’๐’—๐’†โ€”๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’…๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’˜๐’๐’–๐’๐’…, ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’”๐’‰๐’‚๐’…๐’๐’˜๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’“ ๐’‚๐’‡๐’•๐’†๐’“ ๐’‚ ๐’‡๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’’๐’–๐’Š๐’†๐’• ๐’•๐’†๐’๐’…๐’†๐’“๐’๐’†๐’”๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’‡๐’๐’๐’๐’๐’˜.

Overall score

6.5/10

"A genuinely felt six-poem suite with real emotional range and one or two strong images, held back by form-level gaps, clichรฉ patches, and a tendency to name feelings rather than render them."

ยง01 ยท Fix first

  1. 1.
    The Petrarchan sonnet (VI) is the strongest piece here โ€” its sestet earns its resolution. But the Shakespearean sonnet (IV) is missing two full quatrains: it has only 10 lines instead of 14, and the couplet lands before the argument is built. Expand the middle quatrains so the volta has weight to push against.
  2. 2.
    In the Villanelle (II), the third refrain line 'With pinky fingers locked, our journeys intertwine' is supposed to rotate with 'He whispered in my ear, "September, you're mine"' โ€” but both refrains repeat verbatim every time with no tonal shift or deepening. Let at least one repetition carry a changed punctuation or context so the form earns its obsessive quality.

ยง02 ยท Sub-scores

  • Imagery6.5 / 10
  • Rhythm6 / 10
  • Originality6 / 10
  • Emotion7 / 10
  • Craft6.5 / 10

ยง03 ยท Basics first

  • Forced filler phrase โ€” 'some shades of' is padding to complete the meter and weakens the colour image.
  • 'His special letter made his unique love arise' is awkward prose syntax crammed into verse; 'arise' is forced to rhyme and the sentence doesn't land naturally.
  • 'To walk this road with him as my per' โ€” 'per' appears to be a truncated word (perhaps 'peer' or a dialect term), but it reads as an error or an incomplete thought rather than a deliberate choice.
  • 'rain or shine' is one of the most worn clichรฉs in English; in a poem otherwise reaching for fresh imagery it sticks out sharply.
  • 'No worries break my quiet skies of blue' โ€” 'skies of blue' is a stock phrase, and the line is crammed: the full stop after 'above' in the previous line makes this feel tacked on rather than part of the stanza.
ยง04All notes โ€” 3 working ยท 4 more suggestions

What's working

  • The closing image of Section I earns its place: the tree/roots/leaves metaphor is set up early and paid off cleanly, giving the whole piece a satisfying structural spine.
  • Section VI's sestet is the most controlled writing in the collection โ€” the morning-light image is specific and tender without over-explaining, and 'settled softly on your sleeping head' is the best single line here.
  • The crow opening of Section III lands with genuine menace; 'Past pain poking my window as a crow / Casting its black and dark glint' is the most surprising image in the suite.

Further suggestions

  • Several sections name the emotion instead of showing it: 'heartfelt care,' 'unique love,' 'overwhelmingly blessed.' Trust the concrete details you already have โ€” the pinky fingers, the nervous press of hands, the sleeping head in morning light โ€” and cut the abstract labels. The poem is stronger every time it shows.
  • The Rondeau (V) repeats 'bright/night/light/ignite/white/delight/slight/sight' across 15 lines โ€” that's eight -ight rhymes in one short poem. The ear goes numb. Vary the rhyme scheme or trim the poem to tighten the sonic effect.
  • Section III's invented ABAC/ABABAC form is an interesting ambition, but the C-rhymes ('soul/control' and 'tall/call') feel rushed and the lines are uneven in stress. If you're building a new form, give it a consistent syllable count so the architecture is felt, not just described in the author's note.
  • The suite as a whole moves through six moods (roots, promise, dread, devotion, memory, conflict) but the connective tissue between sections is thin โ€” the reader jumps abruptly. Even a single transitional image carried from one poem into the next would make the suite feel like a unified arc rather than six separate pieces.
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