Satire I
_That all, but especially the covetous, think their own condition the
hardest_.
How comes it to pass, Maecenas, that no one lives content with his
condition, whether reason gave it him, or chance threw it in his way
[but] praises those who follow different pursuits? "O happy merchants!"
says the soldier, oppressed with years, and now broken down in his limbs
through excess of labor. On the other side, the merchant, when the south
winds toss his ship [cries], "Warfare is preferable;" for why? the
engagement is begun, and in an instant there comes a speedy death or a
joyful victory. The lawyer praises the farmer's state when the client
knocks at his door by cock-crow. He who, having entered into a
recognizance, is dragged from the country into the city, cries, "Those
only are happy who live in the city." The other instances of this kind
(they are so numerous) would weary out the loquacious Fabius; not to
keep you in suspense, hear to what an issue I will bring the matter. If
any god should say, "Lo! I will effect what you desire: you, that were
just now a soldier, shall be a merchant; you, lately a lawyer [shall be]
a farmer. Do ye depart one way, and ye another, having exchanged the
parts [you are to act] in life. How now! why do you stand?" They are
unwilling; and yet it is in their power to be happy. What reason can be
assigned, but that Jupiter should deservedly distend both his cheeks in
indignation, and declare that for the future he will not be so indulgent
as to lend an ear to their prayers? But further, that I may not run over
this in a laughing manner, like those [who treat] on ludicrous subjects
(though what hinders one being merry, while telling the truth? as
good-natured teachers at first give cakes to their boys, that they may
be willing to learn their first rudiments: railery, however, apart, let
us investigate serious matters). He that turns the heavy glebe with the
hard ploughshare, this fraudulent tavern-keeper, the soldier, and the
sailors, who dauntless run through every sea, profess that they endure
toil with this intention, that as old men they may retire into a secure
resting place, when once they have gotten together a sufficient
provision.
Thus the little ant (for she is an example), of great industry, carries
in her mouth whatever she is able, and adds to the heap which she piles
up, by no means ignorant and not careless for the future. Which [ant,
nevertheless], as soon, as Aquarius saddens the changed year, never
creeps abroad, but wisely makes use of those stores which were provided
beforehand: while neither sultry summer, nor winter, fire, ocean, sword,
can drive you from gain. You surmount every obstacle, that no other man
may be richer than yourself. What pleasure is it for you, trembling to
deposit an immense weight of silver and gold in the earth dug up by
stealth? Because if you lessen it, it may be reduced to a paltry
farthing.
But unless that be the case, what beauty has an accumulated hoard?
Though your thrashing-floor should yield a hundred thousand bushels of
corn, your belly will not on that account contain more than mine: just
as if it were your lot to carry on your loaded shoulder the basket of
bread among slaves, you would receive no more [for your own share] than
he who bore no part of the burthen. Or tell me, what is it to the
purpose of that man, who lives within the compass of nature, whether he
plow a hundred or a thousand acres?
"But it is still delightful to take out of a great hoard."
While you leave us to take as much out of a moderate store, why should
you extol your granaries, more than our corn-baskets? As if you had
occasion for no more than a pitcher or glass of water, and should say,
"I had rather draw [so much] from a great river, than the very same
quantity from this little fountain." Hence it comes to pass, that the
rapid Aufidus carries away, together with the bank, such men as an
abundance more copious than what is just delights. But he who desires
only so much as is sufficient, neither drinks water fouled with the mud,
nor loses his life in the waves.
But a great majority of mankind, misled by a wrong desire cry, "No sum
is enough; because you are esteemed in proportion to what you possess."
What can one do to such a tribe as this? Why, bid them be wretched,
since their inclination prompts them to it. As a certain person is
recorded [to have lived] at Athens, covetous and rich, who was wont to
despise the talk of the people in this manner: "The crowd hiss me; but I
applaud myself at home, as soon as I contemplate my money in my chest."
The thirsty Tantalus catches at the streams, which elude his lips. Why
do you laugh? The name changed, the tale is told of you. You sleep upon
your bags, heaped up on every side, gaping over them, and are obliged to
abstain from them, as if they were consecrated things, or to amuse
yourself with them as you would with pictures. Are you ignorant of what
value money has, what use it can afford? Bread, herbs, a bottle of wine
may be purchased; to which [necessaries], add [such others], as, being
withheld, human nature would be uneasy with itself. What, to watch half
dead with terror, night and day, to dread profligate thieves, fire, and
your slaves, lest they should run away and plunder you; is this
delightful? I should always wish to be very poor in possessions held
upon these terms.
But if your body should be disordered by being seized with a cold, or
any other casualty should confine you to your bed, have you one that
will abide by you, prepare medicines, entreat the physician that he
would set you upon your feet, and restore you to your children and dear
relations?
Neither your wife, nor your son, desires your recovery; all your
neighbors, acquaintances, [nay the very] boys and girls hate you. Do you
wonder that no one tenders you the affection which you do not merit,
since you prefer your money to everything else? If you think to retain,
and preserve as friends, the relations which nature gives you, without
taking any pains; wretch that you are, you lose your labor equally, as
if any one should train an ass to be obedient to the rein, and run in
the Campus [Martius]. Finally, let there be some end to your search;
and, as your riches increase, be in less dread of poverty; and begin to
cease from your toil, that being acquired which you coveted: nor do as
did one Umidius (it is no tedious story), who was so rich that he
measured his money, so sordid that he never clothed him self any better
than a slave; and, even to his last moments, was in dread lest want of
bread should oppress him: but his freed-woman, the bravest of all the
daughters of Tyndarus, cut him in two with a hatchet.
"What therefore do you persuade me to? That I should lead the life of
Naevius, or in such a manner as a Nomentanus?"
You are going [now] to make things tally, that are contradictory in
their natures. When I bid you not be a miser, I do not order you to
become a debauchee or a prodigal. There is some difference between the
case of Tanais and his son-in-law Visellius, there is a mean in things;
finally, there are certain boundaries, on either side of which moral
rectitude can not exist. I return now whence I digressed. Does no one,
after the miser's example, like his own station, but rather praise those
who have different pursuits; and pines, because his neighbor's she-goat
bears a more distended udder: nor considers himself in relation to the
greater multitude of poor; but labors to surpass, first one and then
another? Thus the richer man is always an obstacle to one that is
hastening [to be rich]: as when the courser whirls along the chariot
dismissed from the place of starting; the charioteer presses upon those
horses which outstrip his own, despising him that is left behind coming
on among the last. Hence it is, that we rarely find a man who can say he
has lived happy, and content with his past life, can retire from the
world like a satisfied guest. Enough for the present: nor will I add one
word more, lest you should suspect that I have plundered the escrutoire
of the blear-eyed Crispinus.
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