- Find cheapest option – of course Diane didn’t have any savings to pay for her own funeral. Stacey said it’s down to me seeing as I’m “the one with the fancy London life and my own business”. If the garden wasn’t all concreted over, I’d be up for just digging a hole and dropping Diane in. Show her as much care as she showed me.
- Flowers – done my research. Order bouquet of:
- Aconite – sign of danger and a need for caution. Couldn’t sum up our relationship better if I tried.
- Striped carnations – very pretty but they mean rejection, refusal. I’m still saying ‘No!’
- Petunias – anger and resentment. Oh so much of that. Maybe now I’ll be able to let these feelings go?
- Frog Orquid – disgust. At Diane. At Stacey for never standing up for herself. At all of us for the sorry, sordid story that is our family.
Stacey will no doubt order Astilbes – demonstrates dedication to a loved one. She was always the “good” daughter. The one who stuck around to do Diane’s bidding.
- Tell Diane’s friends – if she even has any, Stacey can do this. After all she’s the one who has any clue what Diane’s life has been for the past sixteen years.
- Tell Ryan. Do I want him to come? Do I want him at all? Do I know anything anymore about how things will be from now on? I’ll wait until the bruises have faded to decide about this.
- Buy booze – lots of it. All the booze in all the shops. It’s the only way I can get through this. Being here. Stacey’s dead eyes following me everywhere. The sense that the past is reclaiming me. Burying the person I’ve become.
Amanda Saint is the author of two novels, As If I Were A River (2016) and Remember Tomorrow (2019). Her short fiction collection, Flashes Of Colour, is coming in 2020. Amanda founded and runs Retreat West, providing writing competitions, courses and retreats, and Retreat West Books indie press, which publishes short fiction, novels and memoirs.
Previous short fiction publications can be found here: https://amandasaint.net/short-stories/
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