The Role of the Middle-Aged White Man by Benjamin Myers

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The role of the middle-aged white man?

The role of the middle-aged white man is to shut his mouth and step aside.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to not practice his saxophone in a studio flat.

The role of the middle-aged white man is clear the lane and make space for the next generation to come through.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to put down the megaphone.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to drink warm ouzo from a broken cup.

The role of the middle-aged white man is not to claim they know everything about trans rights or feminism or cricket or combustible engines or geo-politics or Taylor Swift.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to overthrow the middle-aged white man.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to eat less ham.

The role of the middle-aged white man is not to understand but to accept.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to avoid dressing like a Top Gear presenter.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to avoid enunciating like a Top Gear presenter.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to try and catch the moon in his teeth.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to say less.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to be a better Christian, to be a better Muslim, to be a better atheist, to be a better neighbour, a better everything.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to whistle tunelessly by the harbour at sunset.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to not use his penis as a weapon.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to put out the rubbish and if he is the rubbish then he should put himself out.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to flip pancakes with style.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to not feel guilty for being a middle-aged white man; the role of the middle-aged white man is to recognise his advantages, and appreciate them, and share them.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to take up less space.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to not do the government’s dirty work.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to not to be a cretin or a moron or a whopper or a unit or a balloon or a gimp or a handpump.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to not turn his inadequacies into war.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to hand over the keys.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to not make a nest from the bones of the young.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to not grab women by their pussies.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to not grab women anywhere.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to melt down his guns and fashion them into beautiful gleaming sculptures that reflect the noonday sun.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to tip-toe through the tulips.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to walk the hills unheard.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to be a poet in his actions.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to pleasantly surprise.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to help the homeless.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to shred the uniform.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to chisel the unicorn.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to his close his legs.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to stifle the yawn.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to peel the onion.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to not be a fascist.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to not be a fascist.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to not be a fascist.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to feed the birds.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to avoid leering.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to feed the cats.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to admit fear.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to breathe.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to recycle.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to listen.

The role of the middle-aged white man is to be.

Quiet.

The Offing by Benjamin Myers is published by Bloomsbury on August 22nd 2019. His previous novels The Gallows Pole, Beastings and Pig Iron are also reissued by Bloomsbury.

www.benmyers.com

Read our review of The Offing here.

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